


Deja Vu All Over Again

by Binaryalchemist



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: First Time, M/M, Romance, Sexual Humor, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-02-04
Packaged: 2018-09-17 11:53:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9322430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Binaryalchemist/pseuds/Binaryalchemist
Summary: "Contrary to popular rumor, I have scruples.  And unlike my rival on the ice, Chris Giacometti, I don’t generally have to send out a scouting party to find them. However…once in a very great while, the tables get turned on me. We’ve got the rest of the night, and if you don’t mind topping off the vodka in my glass,let me tell you precisely how I ended up in this current predicament…."--Viktor Nikiforov, Barcelona Spain 2016





	1. Chapter One: CHAMPAGNE AND CHIVALRY

DÉJÀ VU ALL OVER AGAIN (Yuri on Ice, Mature Readers)

PART ONE: CHAMPAGNE AND RELUCTANT CHIVALRY

By the Binary Alchemist, 2017

 

                Contrary to popular rumor, I have scruples.  And unlike my rival on the ice, Chris Giacometti, I don’t generally have to send out a scouting party to find them.  I supposed that could be the influence of Yakov and Lilia, but I’d like to hope that I am a decent enough person to at least attempt to do the right thing, _da_?

                Now, to hear Yakov tell it, I’m selfish, self-centered, manipulative, disobedient and absurdly vain of my own good looks—which, of course, is utter nonsense.  I mean, look at this face, hmmm? Does this look like the face of a man who might try to pull strings in your life and arrange things so that everything falls into place precisely as he intends?

                (At this point, I suppose I might hear Yurio coughing loudly under his breath in a manner that sounds suspiciously like ‘ _bullshit!..cough-cough-bullshit-manipulative BASTARD…’_   I say we ignore him for now, okay?)

                However…once in a very great while, the tables get turned on me.  For someone who thrives on surprise as I do, you’d think I might find this exciting.  Sometimes it’s a delight. Sometimes it’s about as much fun as breaking in a new pair of skates in wet socks.

                We’ve got the rest of the night, and if you don’t mind topping off the vodka in my glass—ahhh… _spasiba_ …thank you—let me tell you precisely how I ended up in this current predicament….

 

                It was two o’clock in the morning on the final night of last year’s Grand Prix…and a beautiful drunk had his arms and legs wrapped around me, grinding against me through our suits and sending jolts of astonished pleasure though my body. My logic was having a difference of opinion with Eros.  My body was screaming for attention, because the warmth and closeness of the drunk in question—and the delicious sensation of his body against mine—meant that of _moy khui—_ my cock-- was raising his stubborn head and arguing with me from somewhere below my belt that this beautiful Japanese man, this Yuuri Katsuki, was someone he wanted to become intimately acquainted with…immediately.

                _Moy_ _syehrtseh--_ my heart—was coming to the same conclusion.  My brain, on the other hand, was cutting sharply through the sweet haze of desire and the first rush of love, telling my cock and heart to slam on the brakes to avoid a catastrophe that could possibly hurt another person.

And anyone who truly knows me will tell you which of those three headstrong organs will win out every time.  

 

                However, I know I  don’t need to tell you what happened. You were there. You saw us together.

                I have never had so much _fun_ in my life—and you of all people understand _why._

                You see, we know how the game of our sport is played off the ice. You have to get out there, promote yourself and charm the sponsors as much as the fans.  This brand warm up jacket. That cologne.  Blade covers? Sunglasses? Shampoo? Breakfast cereal? _Da._   And vodka? Ha, Viktor, you silly boy…always quick with a joke, aren’t you? So charming! So you do your little deals with the devils and then you have the resources to be a jet-setter. To afford that high-tech brushed chrome flat in St. Petersburg and the stylists and dog groomers and the chilled Dom Perignon you sip in your first class seat.

                Posing and winning them over. Not one hair out of place.  Shirt custom tailored by Turnbull and Asser of London.  That Armani suit did not come off the rack, and those Italian leather shoes were made to measure.

                Do you ever get the wild urge to just say, ‘ _otva ’li’—“fuck off!”—_ and then run off and do something impulsive…when you were absolutely stone cold sober and had no socially acceptable excuse?

                Okay, _Christophe_ can get away with that. I’d be worried if he _weren’t_ outrageous.  Ah, but Vitya’s always keeping himself on such a short rein and behaving himself with the sponsors at the banquet….right up to the point when Yuuri Katsuki started challenging the medalists to a dance-off.

                You know how he moves.  My _god._ He couldn’t leap and fly on the ice but every time I watched his step sequences there was the oddest acceleration  in my pulse.  That face…those eyes.  _The music flows through him_ , I would think and tell myself that perhaps we might find a way to get to know one another.  It never happened.

                And then he’s break dancing with Yurio and I am standing amid the suits and sponsors …and I can’t take my eyes off the man.  _Mobile phone_ , I am thinking.  Catch this. It will not happen again. I find my hands sweating and I am chasing him around, filming him. Then I begin cheering. Then my body begins to move to the music and I step up behind him, mimicking his steps.

                He hears someone shout out my name.  He turns.  A light comes into his eyes. “Is this a challenge?”  The corners of his mouth turn up and my stomach turns inside out.  I swallow hard and match him, grin for grin, asking him what he has in mind.  “Fandango. Paso doble. Are you up for that?”

                I nodded. By the time that first dance was finished, my pulse, my hopes and my manhood were up as well.

                He swept me into a glorious pas de deux. _That’s that_ , I told myself.  _I’m going to die right here. Yakov will see this dance and he will kill me…and I will die with the lightest of hearts, laughing with delight and locked in the slim, strong arms of the most enchanting person I have ever met._  He swept me down into a low dip, bending down so close I was in serious danger of falling into those dark chocolate eyes.  His mouth was just inches…just _inches_ away. His lips looked silky and flushed. I wanted to taste them—taste the sweet champagne on the tip of his tongue and feel his breath against my cheek.  When he swung me back onto my feet…so swiftly that no one else saw…his mouth lightly brushed against mine.  At that moment, my heart overrode any input from my brain or my body.  I was done. Finished.

The gold medal might have been hung around my neck in honor, but the sixth place finisher had beaten me soundly and I gave up without a fight.

                That, however, was not why I disappeared with him an hour after his spectacular gymnastics on the stripper pole with Chris—whom I was very nearly jealous of for getting to embrace that much of Yuuri’s nearly naked skin.  He had begged me to come visit him in Japan and be his coach—not exactly a decision to make when one has consumed roughly seventeen glasses of champagne.  However, I was falling fast and made the decision that if he wanted me to take care of his training, the first thing I should do was get him tucked safely into his bed to sleep off this rather spectacular drunk.

                Notice I said HIS bed.

                Did I want him in mine? _Bohze-moi_ ….you have to _ask_? I was shivering with want, and my heart was pounding so hard that when I looked down I could see the buttons on my waistcoat vibrate.

                Anyone who tells you love is gentle and soft has never fallen as I did that night.  For someone who had sipped a single glass of Dom Perignon, I was so drunk on joy and desire I could barely walk, staggering out of the ballroom with Yuuri’s arm around my waist, my own curled around his shoulder.

                I was surprised when he tugged me away from the elevators, steering me towards the stairs. “Sixth floor. I’m good. I can walk it. How ‘bout you?”

                I nodded, following him through the exit door and into the stairwell.

                We didn’t even make it to the landing before he pounced on me. And yes, by god, his lips were every bit as soft and hot as I suspected. I was getting drunk by osmosis from kissing the man and he was all over me like snow on St. Petersburg and I didn’t even feel the cold concrete of the steps cutting into my back and shoulders as he slowly bent me back over his arm again and began feasting on my mouth and neck, his hands moving over my upper body. 

                Breaking the kiss for a breathless moment, the palm of his hand pressed against my chest. “I can feel your heartbeat.” His expression became gentle, and to my surprise he slowly bent his head and kissed me, right where his hand had pressed.

                I’m surprised I didn’t crack his ribs I hugged him so fiercely, and his arms slid around me and tightened, our mouths locked together.  I heard my name—a husky whisper with a tantalizing accent—breathed in my ear, and with an agile twist he was straddling my hips, pressed against me, hardness against hardness, his need meeting my own urgency….

                And THAT was the point that sharply reminded myself that I am not a man without scruples.

                He was so damn beautiful, looking down at me with an expression of tender possessiveness.

                I wanted him in my arms, in my bed. And I suspected if that miracle managed to occur, I would want him in my life as well. However…

                Seventeen glasses of champagne….is _seventeen glasses of champagne._

                And, god save me, I was not going to assume the consent of a man who had reached that level of intoxication. True enough, I could take him to my room—or follow on to his—and get him in the shower and tuck him in and lie chastely above the covers with Yuuri in my arms.

                But right at that moment he had begun to rock hard against me, eyes sliding closed with bliss, lips parted in a soundless cry of rapture….

                ….and I had to put a stop to this, even if it killed me. This was not going to happen. Not like this. Not now.           

                …not…. _yet_.

                But, by god, I would make damn sure we would have another chance.

                “What was that?” I feigned alarm, bolting upright and pulling back from our kisses.

                “Huh?”

                “Somebody’s coming!”

                His eyes flashed with mischief. “I think it’s you. Maybe we should go upstairs where we can get out of these suits and into each other?” His fingers swept through my hair affectionately. “I’ve never…you know. Been…with…someone.” There was a drunken little chuckle and a blush. “Having the first time….you know…with you, Viktor….this is like a dream…”

                The advantage of being sober in a crisis is that very important information tends to register on your consciousness with all necessary speed. If you’re drunk in a crisis, you’re basically a sponge trying to soak up a river, and you can’t tell one drop from another.

                I was sober. This, damn it, was a crisis. And I could definitely tell one drop from the river---and that one drop was the phrase ‘first time’.

                He was a virgin. A drunk virgin. A spectacularly sensual drunk virgin who was setting my heart on fire and presenting an almost overwhelming challenge to my sense of gentlemanly behavior.

                Awkwardly, I managed to slide out from under him. “You could get into serious trouble with the Grand Prix committee, not to mention your coach. I’m not going to let that happen. Stay there. I’ll head them off.”

 

               

                I sprinted as quickly as I could to the bar. “Triple shot of Stolichnaya, _spasiba_.” Not my preference, but it would certainly service my needs.

                Once I returned to the stairwell, I noticed Yuuri looking flushed and eager , trembling slightly. I tossed him my most charming smile and passed him the glass. “A Russian custom to toast to our happiness. _Za lyublyu—_ to love!”

                “ _Kampai!”_

Five minutes later I was delivering Yuuri’s inert body to Celestino.  “I’m not sure what sort of hangover results from mixing champagne and vodka,” I warned, “ but you might want to alert housekeeping  that you may need more towels and a few more wastebaskets.”

                I got a wary look. I answered it back with a shake of my head. “He’s safe and…there have been no improprieties…not that I didn’t have to put up a hell of a fight.” His eyebrows lifted about a kilometer. “Chivalry is not dead yet, Ciao-Ciao,” I told him, hanging on to the last shreds of my dignity. Yuuri began to snore softly as Celestino hoisted my Sleeping Beauty over one brawny shoulder. “However, once he sobers up and recovers from the hangover of the century, give him _this_.” I passed him a card with my mobile number. “He is…quite a remarkable man.  I want to take him out to dinner when I’m certain he will remember our conversation.”

 

…..TO BE CONTINUED…..

 


	2. DREAMING OF A FULL MOON OVER HATSETSU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Now then…where was I?   
>  Ah yes…handing Yuuri’s limp but thankfully not lifeless body over to his coach so he could be tucked into bed for a few hours of rest before undoubtedly vomiting up everything but his socks and praying for death. Everybody—and I mean everybody—had seen us leave together. To save both our reputations, I strolled casually back into the ballroom where the banquet was shambling to a close...“Chris! I was just coming back to let everyone know---“  
>  “—about the love bite on your neck.”  
>  “—right, about the---WHAT??”

DÉJÀ VU ALL OVER AGAIN (YURI ON ICE)

CHAPTER 2: DREAMING OF A FULL MOON OVER HATSETSU

BY THE BINARY ALCHEMIST, 2017

 

                Now then…where was I?

                Ah yes…handing Yuuri’s limp but thankfully not lifeless body over to his coach so he could be tucked into bed for a few hours of rest before undoubtedly vomiting up everything but his socks and praying for death.

                Everybody—and I mean everybody—had seen us leave together.  If he’d been sober, I would have faced them all down proudly if they assumed that we’d run off to wreck the sheets and break bed slats together.  But in fact, Yuuri had been, as I once heard JJ say, ‘three sheets to the wind’.

                Three sheets? Yuuri had been a whole damn linen department.

                To save both our reputations, I strolled casually back into the ballroom where the banquet was shambling to a close, having stopped in the men’s room first to pull myself together, comb my hair and to make sure that my rebellious cock had calmed down enough for decency.  He was quite disappointed, that one, sulking and probably complaining that at this point he should be lovingly nestled into Yuuri’s warm and willing hand or mouth or body…and we were in complete agreement on that. But before I could retreat to my room and give him some sort of consolation for his disappointment, I needed to make an appearance.

                Calling a cheerful greeting, I assured everyone that Yuuri was safe under the care of Celestino.  “Not to worry,” I laughed.  “He was already on his way out. That’s why I got him aside and called his coach.  I’m sure he’ll be fine in the morning.”

                “Ha!” Yurio spat angrily. “I hope that asshole falls head first in the toilet and drowns. _Loser!”_

                “You’re up past your bedtime,” I teased, shaking a finger at him. “Shall I call your grandpa to tell you a good night story, or does the kitten need some warm milk to help him sleep?”

                “Fuck you too, Viktor!”

                “Sweet dreams!”

                _“And where have you been, you naughty boy?”_

                I’d have known that voice—dripping with sensual insinuations—anywhere.  “Chris! I was just coming back to let everyone know---“

                “—about the love bite on your neck.”

                “—right, about the--- _WHAT??”_

“Oh…did I say _love bite?_ _Pardonez-moi, cher._ My…my…we may not have any skaters from Transylvania this year, but it does appear that something rather ravenous has assaulted your neck…I should call a priest, _non_?”

                “Very funny.”

                “I didn’t mean a priest to douse you with holy water, you mad Russian. I mean to hear your confession.”

                If looks could have killed, Christophe Giacometti would be hemorrhaging from all orifices.  “I had no intention of sleeping with him in his condition.”

                “Well, apparently you weren’t getting through to him fast enough before he passed out. _Vraiment?_ True? ”  My mouth tightened into a hard line and in my head I was counting _adeen-dva-tree_ and reminding myself that the moment you lose your temper you hand your power over to your opponent. “But you walked away from temptation, and that makes you the better man…I’m sure it was very… _hard_ for you.”

                “If you’re thinking about shutting up at this time, I won’t say it’s a bad idea.”

                “Well,  then, _cher_ , I’m sure you can’t wait to get up to your room and take a nice long _cold_ shower before bed….but if you have trouble drifting off—“ here he leaned in close, one hand reaching around to squeeze my buttocks, “—I can always give you a … _helping hand_. Or mouth, for that matter.”

                “Thank you, and good night!”

                “Or perhaps a snack would help. Something—“ he winked at me, “—high in _protein_?”

                _“Good night!”_

                “Well, you know what they say about eating--”

                “ _CHRISTOPHE!”_

                “--Two hours later, and you’ll be hungry again.”

                “ _Bozhe-moi!”_ I turned away before throwing a punch that would black his pretty green eyes. He grabbed my shoulder and leaned in close.

                “Oh, and Viktor, cher….you might want to have a word with your tailor. You shouldn’t pay so much for a hand tailored Armani and have a faulty zipper in your trousers. It seems to have slipped halfway down while you were not in some secluded spot humping Yuuri Katsuki and getting your neck bitten. _Bon soir, mon ami!”_

“ _Chert voz‘mi!”*_

 

 

In the safety of my room I inspected the damage to my neck.

_Wow._ Even I was impressed—and suddenly very grateful for the assortment of warm scarves I always packed for cold weather.  As for that zipper…well, I hadn’t needed to relieve myself in the men’s room, so…

                …So….

                It hadn’t come down by itself, had it?  It took a moment for that fact to sink in.

                I barely made it to the bed, half strangling myself in my tie, my shoes violently kicked off in a wild effort to get out of my suit before having what is tactfully described as having a ‘laundry issue.  There are certain things a gentleman should not have to explain when taking his best suit to the cleaners. Fortunately, my beautifully tailored trousers were out of harm’s way before the Moment Of Truth.

                I hadn’t even _touched_ myself.

                If he’d touched me, I would have known it. I would have _known_.  Maybe it was just the sweet friction between our bodies…I couldn’t know for certain. I don’t make a regular habit of getting dry humped in a stairwell with the most beautiful man I’ve ever held in my arms.

                I lay there in the dark, heart hammering in my chest as if I’d just landed four consecutive quads in the second half of a free skate. My fingers strayed to that place right over my heart—that place Yuuri had softly kissed, whispering that he could hear my heartbeat, could feel it through his fingertips.  No lover had ever done that to me.  That mute gesture of tenderness moved me to my core.  _A virgin that makes love like an angel…yet with such erotic intensity that he burns you and heals you in the same touch._

                I let the images flood my mind as I lay there in the dark, feeling myself growing hard again just thinking about him.

                Surely he wasn’t leaving Sochi right away…did we have a few days to share together? Precious time to get to know each other better?  I would call him first thing in the morning, make sure he was feeling better, and then come to his room, ordering something simple and soothing that would sit well on his stomach.  We would eat together and I would ask him the thousand and one little things I wanted to know about him. _Tell me about your home…your family. When did you learn to skate? What are your hobbies? If I made you a delicious home cooked meal, what would you want me to serve you? What makes you laugh? What inspires you? And…if you are a virgin….were you waiting for someone like me?_

He had invited me to his family’s _onsen_ —one of those lovely hot springs resorts you see in airline travel magazines. I would come to see the cherry blossoms, I decided…and after days of exploring the glories of a Japanese springtime, we would find some lovely, secluded place….

 

                _…and you will see the love and longing in my eyes and step wordlessly into my arms, my Yuuri. Your hands will reach up to caress my face and we will share that first kiss all over again—all the sweeter because I will_ know   _this time for certain that YOU are certain. That it is love and not champagne that calls you to me._

_A moon viewing party for two. You pass three small cups of sake to me, asking  to take three ritual sips from each. You do the same and then explain to me that this part of an ancient Shinto rite that binds two souls together. There is no priest to sanction or witness…but you are showing me in your way that we belong to one another.  The red rice in our shared bento box will bring us good fortune, and you smile softly as you point out the significance of the other foods we feed one another. I laugh and tell him when we are in St Petersburg, I will make my godmother’s recipe for borsht and we will sit down to a simple meal over our soup and black bread with caraway seeds and steaming glasses of tea with lemon and honey on the side. We feed one another. We nourish and care for one another._

_The moon rises—and you rise before me in your simple black festival kimono. There is a certainty in your eyes now…you whisper that for lovers to embrace at the rising of the mood is most auspicious. I kneel before you, slowly parting your robe and hakima, baring your pale amber skin to the soft spring breeze that rains rosy petals down upon us._

_This is your night, I tell you gently. Whatever you wish….whatever will bring you pleasure that you will remember and cherish all the days of your life…let me give this to you now._

_You have my heart. Now you have my flesh—my touch, my desire….all of it. Tell me….my Yuuri…_

“ _Ti mayo solntse, maya lubov” You are my sun, my love…take me as your own._

                One hand curls tightly around to stroke and caress---as I wish you were here and that that hand was yours.

                One hand thrusts deep, fingers seeking…finding…as I call your name.

                I am undone, again…and yes, later…again.

                You are unconscious from champagne and vodka.  I am unconscious from exhaustion,  my body wrung dry.  I cannot wait to see you tomorrow….

  

                …when he promptly ran like hell in the opposite direction.

 

                Goddamn it.

 

Another refill, _pazhalsta_?** Disappointment makes the throat dry when one is telling a story—even more so when it’s true.  Da, the ending is far better than the middle…but let me tell you, if you thought Georgi can be a soppy mess when he’s mooning over Anya, that was nothing compared to the mental state I was in after Yuuri took off without a word after seducing me the night before.

All right…all right.

I had met the love of my life….was it _my_ fault I didn’t recognize him with his clothes on?

 

….TO BE CONTINUED….

*Damn it

**please

 


	3. THE KISS AND THE GALLANT REFLEX

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only thing more awkward than a first kiss with a broken nose is Yuuri Katsuki discovering that once Eros has been let loose in his life, the consequences aren't just emotional--they are physical as well...which can be problematic when you're living at a hot spring and casual nudity around Viktor is now not as casual as it used to be....

DÉJÀ VU ALL OVER AGAIN (YURI ON ICE) CHAPTER 3: THE KISS AND THE GALLANT REFLEX

BY THE BINARY ALCHEMIST 2017 (mature audiences)

 

                I hate getting stiff like this—ohhh, don’t look at me like that! I wasn’t referring to sex…for once.  I meant feeling all tied up and cramped like you can’t really move a muscle. My knees are killing me—why yes…another shot of vodka would probably help, so… _spasiba, spasiba._

Now where was I?

 

                Let’s fast forward to the days following the Chugoku, Shikoku and Kyushu Championship-which my Yuuri won by a nose-a broken nose, that is.  Nobody clocked the speed he was going when he smashed face first into the rink wall, but no doubt it was impressive.  I hated not hugging him afterwards…but Armani is Armani, _da_? The Kiss and Cry looked like a crime scene from all the blood and the dry cleaning bills for his costume were ridiculous, but thankfully that beautiful face of his was only purple for a few days. A bit of borrowed concealer and he looked fine on the podium, although between the lip balm and cover up I probably should have paid royalties to Channel.

When I half-joked in front of his mother  that I would have to kiss his poor battered nose until it got better, Yuuri didn’t get upset and flustered. “That will take an awful lot of kisses,” Hiroko-chan giggled and her son simply blushed and smiled quietly into the post-victory _katsudon_ we were sharing. “You must take care of him, _Vicchan_ ,” she added. There was something about how Mrs. Katsuki was beaming at me that did not escape Yuuri’s notice and in spite of the pain of his bruised face he was laughing harder and smiling more after that night than he had since I’d first come to Hatsetsu.

 

                Something else was changing. We were touching now.

                Incredible, isn’t it? The night of the banquet he had his arms and legs wrapped around me, rutting against my groin and sticking his tongue down my throat. Now just the clasp of his hand on my shoulder or having him unconsciously lean against me when we were watching TV downstairs was enough to set my pulse racing. Anyone else would have thought me a fool to be so content with so little…but this was _Yuuri_.  I was so absurdly in love that I was grateful for whatever small attention he offered me.

                Pathetic? You think so? Then you’ve never been in love.

 

                So---sunset on the beach at Hatsetsu. A picnic of grilled onigiri, cold fruit tea and some strawberry Pocky—Yuuri’s favorite.  I glanced at him in profile as he was enjoying his dessert, remembering all the clichés you hear in Japan about ‘Pocky kisses”. That’s where one partner holds a Pocky between his lips and his boyfriend nibbles on it until their lips touch. That sounded like a perfectly wonderful idea to me but as touchy and awkward as Yuuri could be at times, I wasn’t sure the suggestion wouldn’t make him feel embarrassed.  We were making progress from the first days when I would touch him and he would leap half a kilometer in the opposite direction. I had spent too many nights hugging Makkachin on the futon and crying myself to sleep to want to risk this fragile bond of affection that was growing between us off the ice.

                Absently, he rubbed the bridge of his nose, grimacing a little. “Still tender?”

                He frowned. “A little. I was hoping it would heal faster.”

                It was pure impulse, I convinced myself later, when I told him, “Hold still”, took his face between my hands and kissed him softly right where his nose had smashed against the wall. His eyes widened.  “I gave my word to your mother, didn’t I? I want to help you recover.” I kissed it again, starting at the tip and then lightly up the bridge and letting my lips come to rest between his eyebrows, having lifted his glasses out of the way.

                He didn’t pull back. In fact, I saw a sparkle of amusement in his eyes as the corners of his mouth began to turn up. “Let’s see…” I studied his face, assuming a very serious expression. “There’s still some bruising on your forehead—‘ _smack'! ‘—_ your cheekbones—‘ _smack’_ –even on your chin—‘ _smack!’_ I was smiling and peppering soft kisses every place that had turned purple in the hours that followed his collision. “Anything I missed? I need to make sure you heal up properly.”

                _“I bit my lip.”_

_Bohze- moi!_   The voice may have been Yuuri Katsuki’s…but I swear by all that is holy it sounded for an instant like Eros. I caught my breath, completely off guard.  “I can’t imagine how much that must hurt…let me take care of that for you.”

                And yes…it really _was_ that simple. And as electrifying as those devouring kisses were in the stairwell at the banquet…I would trade the memory of every last taste for that first gentle caress of my mouth against his with my Yuuri awake, alert, sober…and, thank the saints, welcoming my kisses.

                Lingering sun warming our faces. The rich scent of ocean brine. The cries of gulls and the soft sound of surprise we both made when we recognized at the same time how _good_ this was…and that we both wanted more.

                I had to be so very careful not to bump his tender nose, but we managed. I let him take the lead-I needed him to recognize that there was no pressure-nothing to be anxious about.  When the tip of his tongue brushed delicately over my lower lip, I welcomed him in, my own tongue curling around his as the kiss deepened as it had that night in Sochi.

                At that point, without a word, we both concluded _not the time, not the place_ , and he drew back, smiling, and leaned back against my chest, my arms around him, my face buried in his soft black hair.

                “Feel better?” I teased gently. “How’s your nose?”

                “What nose?”

               

 

                A kiss here and there. A touch in passing. Eyes meeting over the table-gazes held and a faint flush of color rising in his cheeks. A cherished embrace in the shadows. I noticed that whenever he said my name now, there was a huskiness that hadn’t been there before, as if calling my name was bringing our touches and caresses to mind and it was quickening some fire that he was trying to conceal.

                And it was, in the end, the issue of concealing things that finally brought matters to a head...so to speak.

                It was a weekday evening and most of the guests were inside, watching a soccer match down in the bar. The bathing areas were completely vacant, Mari had mentioned after cleaning up. Across the table, I caught Yuuri’s eye.  “Full moon on a summer evening. I don’t know about you, but that’s a perfectly good reason for a nice soak before bed.”

                He nodded. “My calves are pretty sore after working on that quad salchow all afternoon. Sounds like a good idea to me, too.”

 

                You know about how a hot springs onsen works, right? There are baths inside and natural spring fed rock pools outside that are strictly segregated by gender.  Since the waters are shared inside and out, you have to wash yourself very well before going into the tubs or the springs.  There are low benches on the floor in a shower area and you are expected to scrub and soap yourself thoroughly and then rinse well to remove every trace of soap before going for a soak.  Everybody sits side by side and takes little or no notice of one another’s nudity.  Yuuri and I had washed ourselves together and soaked almost since the day I arrived at Yu-Topia.  He got flustered a time or two but it was more often because I was showing off my body—oh, did I admit that?—I mean, I was doing stretches in the nude out of the water. All right…all right. Yes, I wanted him to look at me.  I wanted him to notice me then…but the night of the full moon I wasn’t trying to flaunt my body in front of him. We were making progress in our relationship and I would not have risked making him anxious for the entire world, especially where we were concerned.

                But while we were rinsing off the soap, I noticed he was stammering and looking anywhere but at me while we chatted. I also noticed he was keeping his towel over his lap, even though I had seen him naked countless times.  The towel was sopping wet and useless, so I held out my hand.  “Let me get you a dry towel. I’ll put that one away for you.”

                “ _No!!”_   He turned as red as a bowl of borsht and clutched it firmly to his lap. “It’s…ah…um… _fine._ It’s good.”

                “It’s soaked.”

                “I like my towels like that…ah…haahaahaa….really. I’m great. Perfect. Fine and dandy. Don’t you worry about it, Viktor. You just….ummm…go on ahead. I’ll…uh…be out…y’know…in a little bit.” His fingers tightened in a death grip around the towel and wet as he was from the shower, he appeared to be sweating.

                “Come on, let’s go!” I invited. “It’s beautiful outside tonight.”

                “Ahhhh….ah….I..have a leg cramp. Yeah…that’s it. I’ll…just…you know. Massage it down here…be out later, okay?”

                “Leg cramp?” I frowned. “Let me see.”  I turned, knelt down at his feet and reached for his left calf. The towel slipped. Yuuri let out a yelp and clapped both hands over his groin…which might have been adequate if he hadn’t been so aroused. As it was, kneeling at his feet with his left leg in my hands, I had an up close and personal view of what he’d been trying to hide under that wet towel and it was all I could do not to greet it in the traditional Russian way---with a kiss.

                “Ohhh… _god!_ ” Never mind the face—he was flushed with embarrassment all the way to his toes and if he hadn’t been stark naked and fully aroused he would have run out of the shower room as fast as a cat with its tail on fire.  Before he could bolt away and lock himself in the men’s room, I removed my own towel and handed it to him.

                “Yuuri…listen to me.” I sat back on my heels and made sure he was looking me in the eyes. “That is the one thing you should never be ashamed of. Cover up if you need to…but if your body is responding because we’re here together, then…that’s an honor, as far as I’m concerned. “He lowered his eyes, but I reached out and brushed my fingers along his cheek. “You are beautiful to me, Yuuri. Not just when you’re on the ice, but even in the most ordinary of moments.  I love you—and while I feel that love _here_ —“I laid my hand over my heart, “—and _here_ —“I tapped my forehead, “I also feel that love in my body as well. You’re not the only one who feels Eros.”

                “Really?” He gave me an odd look.  It was not directed towards my eyes but a good deal lower.

                I looked down my body and then smiled at him. “Do you know how hard it is to constantly have to keep imagining the snows of Siberia to keep from getting excited around you? Because the only parts of your body that get hard in Siberia are the ones that have frozen and are about to fall off!”

                He _lost_ it.

                I mean _fell-off-the-stool-and-landed-on-his-bare-ass-on-the-cold-tile-floor_ lost it.  He laughed so hard I was afraid he’d ruptured something. Whereupon I lost it too…my composure and my erection, which was a good thing, because roughly about that time all the men who had been in the bar watching the soccer match had begun to pour through the door, ready to soak in the hot spring.

                We tried to sneak up to my room but Hiroko-san called out that Takeshi  had stopped by with Yuko and the triplets and everybody was wide awake and lively—a little too lively. The triplets were ricocheting off the walls. Finally, I suggested we all move upstairs to my room. “I’ve got my Chromecast hooked to my TV.  We could stream a Disney movie and they might settle down.

                Which worked a little too well, because not only did the triplets nod off so did my Yuuri.  “Sleeping Beauty,” I chuckled, tucking a pillow under his head and removing his glasses, waving goodnight to the Nishigori family. “I’ll just put a blanket over him and let him rest.”

                Once they were gone, I kissed him on the cheek. He was dead to the world, snoring softly and drooling a little. “Yuuri? You’re going to get a crick in your neck from sleeping on the floor.” He made some incoherent mumble and burrowed his face deeper in the pillow. “Look, my bed is less than two meters away. You can make it that far, can’t you?”

                It took some doing but I got him coherent enough to stumble halfway across the room and drop heavily onto the mattress.  I heard him mutter something that sounded almost like my name, but seconds later the soft snoring began again.

                _At least we get to sleep together in the same bed tonight. That’s wonderful…although I’m not sure exactly how well I will sleep with you lying next to me…and my body reminding me of what could have been tonight under the stars if we’d been lucky….damn it!_

_…..TO BE CONTINUED….._

 


	4. EROS IN DARKNESS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a conked-out Yuuri snoring gently on his pillow, Viktor discovers that going to bed beside the man he desires with unrequited yearnings and thwarted desires can lead to strange dreams....and very steamy awakenings...

DÉJÀ VU ALL OVER AGAIN (YURI ON ICE)

CHAPTER 4: EROS IN DARKNESS

The Binary Alchemist 2017

 

                As I was saying, I wasn’t exactly sure how I was going to manage a decent night’s sleep with Yuuri Katsuki in my bed. _He_ was out like a light—actually, I believe he could sleep through a nuclear strike without waking—and I was Dealing With A Problem. A rather headstrong part of me was angrily reminding me that I had been trying to will him into submission the whole time we were in the showering area together. _“You can only think of Siberia so long.”_  He was not going to be ignored.

                God, he smelled good.  Those long, black eyelashes fluttered on his cheeks as he dreamed and when I put my head on the pillow I could feel his soft breath on my cheek. Damn it, how could he just lie there snoring when I was nearly naked with my arms around him and a very impetuous part of me was nudging his thigh, begging him to wake the hell up and—hopefully—let nature take its course.

                But I am a gentleman, goddamn it.  However tempted I was to duck under the covers and take him into my mouth in hopes of waking…again, he wasn’t conscious.  If he wasn’t awake to say ‘yes, please!’, I would have to tell my body ‘ _nyet!’._

                Go to sleep with unrequited love and lust and I guarantee you will have interesting dreams.

 

                I was dreaming of the ice…all skaters do.  However, in my dream the ice underneath my body was thawing, frigid water seeping into my clothing. The rink was dimly lit, as if the last light of day was streaming through the windows…

 

                _I was in my suit and trench coat, flat on my back and as the light faded I was aware that I was in the dark…and utterly alone.  There was no sound, other than the frantic pounding of my heart. Not even my sweet Makkachin was there to comfort me._

_Where was everybody? Why was I alone in the encroaching darkness?_

_I heard my own words echoing in the cavernous ceiling. “I don’t need anyone. I’m strongest on my own.”_

_“Really?” A warm voice in the shadows, somewhere close to me. “Then how do you expect to get off this ice by yourself? It’s dark, and you have no skates. You know you’re going to fall eventually.”_

_Anger bubbled up inside my chest. “I’ll crawl if I have to.”_

_“Idiot.” There was a faint chuckle of amusement.”Nobody truly survives on the ice in isolation. I’ve been right by your side for the past twenty years, you silly boy. You refused to acknowledge me—and now that you’ve fallen, you refuse me? This ice is melting, Vitya….you’ll sink. You’ll drown.”_

_“So?” Lifting my head, I stared into the darkness, shaking my fist. “I drown. I die. That’s Fate.”_

_“That’s stupidity. You’re such a foolish child, Viktor Vasilievich Nikiforov. You stand parched and dry before the very Water of Life after tying your own hands behind your back—and you are so proud to let yourself die of thirst.”_

_It was as if my mouth filled with sand. My throat cracked. My lips were bleeding. What was happening to me? I tried to protest, but my voice was hardly more than a harsh whisper.”No….”_

_“You will turn to dust, Viktor. You will be nothing more than a name in the record books and dusty medals hanging in some collector’s vault. The great Viktor Nikiforov—the God of the Ice…dying of thirst…of stubbornness.” My eyes began to sting and something like a sob rattled through my ribcage. “What is it that they say in the old litany? ‘I am not worth to receive you, but only say the word and I will be healed.’_

_The unseen figure moved in closer, and all I could see was a pair of shadowy hands, offering me a silver cup—the first trophy I had ever won in a local skating competition. The scent of sweet, cold water was both a torment and a blessing. “All you have to do is ask, Viktor. I don’t want your soul. I don’t want any promises. Life is offering itself to you. Will you drink or will you die and go into dust?”_

_I nodded. “Who…who are you?”_

_“I am Vitae—Life.” The cup lifted above me, cool droplets falling on my cracked, bloody lips, soothing them. “I am Motus—the Compassion you have never shown yourself.” The water seemed to shimmer as the cup was tipped over my chest. As soon as it touched me, I could breathe deeply, as if a massive weight was lifted from my heart. “I am the Love you held yourself from—Amare…” The hands of the unseen young man lifted my head and held the cup to my lips. It was like drinking Light Itself. “I am Agape…I love and give without question and without ceasing.”_

_There was a spark of light, like a single blessed candle ignited by the sun. The cup was removed and there was a beautiful face inches from mine. “I am Eros…”_

_He kissed me. “Choose,” he whispered into my mouth._

_I sat up in his arms. “I don’t understand.”_

_“I have two faces. Choose.”_

_And in the warm candle glow I saw both of them sitting in the ice beside me._

_Eros. Achingly beautiful. Flawless. Unattainable young god with the smoldering eyes._

_Yuuri. Flawed. Fragile. Afraid of his own power and talents, but stubbornly refusing to give into his own weaknesses. His warmth…the beauty and strength he could not recognize in himself so clear to my eyes—and the eyes of all that truly knew him._

_Choice? There was no choice. Whole now—healed and strong again, I reached out my arms to the other half of my heart._

**“YUURI!!!”**

_The darkness of the rink vanished, and instead of ice I was stretched out on the warm sands of Hatsetsu Beach, safe in Yuuri’s arms. He pushed his glasses up his nose and smiled down at me.  “You could have chosen him, you know. Anybody in their right mind would choose a god over a nearsighted dime-a-dozen Japanese skater who has panic attacks and messy hair and stretch marks and gets overweight and—“_

_I shut him up with a kiss. “Damn right I made my choice, and I’m not taking it back.”_

_He pulled off his glasses and offered me a melting glance of pure seduction. “Good choice. Now you get BOTH of us…Vitya…” And his hands swept over my body, triggering every nerve as he rose above me, straddling my hips and slowly lowering himself down until I filled him as deeply as he filled my heart._

_…and there was the scent of the sea. The cry of gulls. Sunlight and that same surprised laughter from our first cognizant kiss when we both recognized how good this was…and would be in the years ahead…”_ Yuuri….”

 

 

 

                “Viktor? Are you all right?” Yuuri was shaking me gently, looking very alarmed…not an unreasonable response when you are sharing your bed with someone and they begin calling your name in their sleep.

 

                Especially when you pull back the covers to move and notice that the sleeper beside you who is calling your name has his cock in his fist and seems heartbeats away from orgasm.

               

There are several ways that a person could respond to this situation.

                First—ignore it.  Tell yourself that this never happened, slip casually out of bed and tell your over-excited bed mate that you’ll see them at breakfast.

                Second—get angry or upset.  Or, more likely for Yuuri, become embarrassed and anxious. Stutter. Stammer. Launch yourself halfway across the room and begin babbling wildly before coming up with a socially acceptable excuse to get the hell out of the bedroom and then avoid your bed mate for days. That was a possibility I had to consider as not beyond the realm of possibility.

                Third—make it into a joke. Now, if I were to wake up in Chris Giacometti’s bed, that would be my option, regardless, how it might have happened. It would also be the best way to keep that handsome boyfriend of his from breaking my arm.

                And finally….There was Yuuri’s reaction…

                “You were dreaming. You were calling my name.”

                 “We were making love together.” What else could I say? “I was so happy.”

                We stared at each other for a long moment full of questions he did not need to ask, full of answers that were plain to view on my sweaty face.

                Then he pulled me into his arms. Just before my eyes slid shut with relief, I saw Eros flickering in his gaze, just as it had in my dream.

               

                I skimmed his t-shirt over his head and threw it across the room. I took a bit more time with his sweatpants, since sliding them off his lean hips was something I wanted to take my time with. Already I could see he had risen to meet my touch and when I pressed my face against that hardness I was rewarded with a groan that made my hair stand on end. _He’s never had a lover. He’s never done this before. Take your time…be patient…_

Patience, my ass—as Yurio would say. Sweatpants and underwear sailed over the blankets, past the end of the bed and were joined in a heap on the floor with my own black silk bikini.

That first embrace—skin to skin, mouth to mouth, cock to cock…stronger men than I am would have died from that much excitement. I was very glad that my most recent annual checkup revealed no issues with my heart, or I would have expired, happily, right on the spot. Best of all was the bright smile on his face, as if this was a joyous celebration of something that was Meant To Be.

                Because it was, you see.  Happiness delayed, but happiness nonetheless. Better this than waking up in a hotel room with a hung over, vomiting Yuuri who most certainly not wanted to linger in my bed. Instead we were caressing each other, writhing in a tangle of arms and legs, laughing and kissing each other greedily in a room flooded with early morning sunlight and a bed we would never have to check out of in order to rush to the airport and fly our separate ways.

                Throwing the blankets off, I began to kiss and lick my way down that sweet body, eager to give him that ‘traditional Russian greeting’ I had ached to give him the night before. My tongue was inches from his cock, just about to capture the glistening bead of moisture on the tip, when we heard footsteps in the hallway outside.

                Well…I heard them. I doubted that Yuuri would have heard a charging rhinoceros stampeding through the room at that moment with my mouth hovering over his cock.  _“Vicchan! Good morning! Coming in to run the vacuum. Is that all right?”_

By god, he heard _that_ , for damn sure. “MOM!”  It was panic, not desire, that made his eyes go wide. “What the hell do I do?!? She can’t find me like this.” The frantic babbling had officially begun. “Oh god…oh god…she’s coming…hide me!”

                I gestured towards the closet. “Get in there,” I whispered.

                “Viktor!”

                “Get in the closet!” I pushed him out of the bed. “Hurry!”

                “But—“

                “It will be fine,” I told him. “Fine!”

                My last words must have carried further than I thought.

                Hiroko-san let herself in.

                Beaming. Cheerful. Delightful woman…delightful woman with very, very bad timing.

                Her dark eyes swept the room. I know that poor eyesight runs on her side of the family, but it wasn’t very likely that she would miss seeing her only son, stark naked and still fully erect, diving through the open closet door, his clothing in a pile at her feet. Oh, and since I had toss the blankets aside, I too was snatching at a pillow to conceal my own arousal, sitting there in nothing but my own very pale European skin.

                She didn’t even blink.

                “Yuuri!” she called out, “would you like me to put these dirty clothes in the wash for you?”

                Unnaturally pale, my lover stuck his head out of the closet. “I’ll…I’ll get them, Mom.”

                “Fine. I’ll just take those sheets and get you some fresh linens, Vicchan.”  Without one word, I stepped to the side of the room while Hiroko stripped the bed, chatting away as if there was nothing in the universe that was odd about the situation. “Oh, and Vicchan, I’m trying out a new recipe for breakfast—American-style pancakes. Yuuri just loves them—I bet you haven’t had any since you left Detroit, have you, dear?”

                “N-no…”

                “Vicchan, do you want coffee or tea this morning?”

                “Tea would be lovely, Hiroko-san.” After all this shock, it wasn’t like I needed caffeine to wake me up, right?

                “ _Hai!_ Well, we’ll see you at breakfast, boys! Let me go get the vacuum and I’ll be right back.”

 

                Wordlessly, I passed my dressing gown to Yuuri. “ _I’m going to go crawl under a rock and die.”_

                “I’m crawling under with you,” I agreed. “But you notice she didn’t get mad.”

                He looked thoughtful. “She was just acting…like…”

                “—like she expected this? Like she was okay with us being together?”

                He nodded slowly. “This wasn’t…”

                “Well…” I cut him off before he could start apologizing. “I hadn’t planned on eating… _pancakes_ …a few minutes ago…but after dinner I plan to leave room for _dessert_.” Pulling him close for a moment, I pressed a swift kiss on his mouth. “Your mother made something even more delicious than katsudon.”

                “What’s that?”

                I spun him around and pointed at the mirror. It took him a moment.

                Then he smacked me in the head with the pillow and took off down the hall, laughing, with me right behind him.

 

….TO BE CONTINUED….

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As far as Viktor's middle name--the character is actually named for Soviet Olympic ice hockey champion Viktor Nikiforov (1931-1989)....so I made use of the medalist's actual middle name. Since Russian middle names are a patronymic derived from the father's first name, that would suggest that Viktor's father was probably named Vasily.


	5. THE MIDNIGHT RAID ON LAWSON'S

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri may have been inexperienced in the ways of love...but as far as Viktor was concerned, the younger man was anything but innocent...  
> "All right…it might be awkward. And I might not be able to walk the next day, I told myself, but no matter what, it’s going to be amazing. He’s confident…he knows what he wants to do…he’s obviously done his homework on the mechanics of what will happen between us and is prepared….  
>  ...or is he???"

DÉJÀ VU ALL OVER AGAIN (YURI ON ICE)

CHAPTER 5-THE MIDNIGHT RAID ON LAWSON’S

By The Binary Alchemist, 2017

 

                Chris Giacometti to the contrary, I don’t recommend trying to skate with an erection-it makes sit spins remarkably uncomfortable. And as for doing a proper spread eagle…well, Yuuri’s baggy sweat pants were better at displaying rather than concealing.  And let’s not even discuss the number of times he hit the ice attempting his quads. Normally, all it takes is a little distraction and he loses his balance. The current state of heated emotions and unquenched desire made me fear the risk of serious injury.

                I smacked my hands together. “All right, all right. Enough for the day.”

                “But---“

                “You’re mind’s not in it.” I glided closer and touched his shoulder. “Mine isn’t either. No sense breaking your neck. “I tried to make my voice sound as steady as possible. “I’m certain you’ll be more relaxed and concentrating better in the morning after a…good night’s—“

                Wiping the sweat from his forehead, he grinned at me. “—sleep?”

                I winked at him. “Not exactly what I had in mind…but you’ll definitely be a lot less… _tense._ ”

                “So will you.”

 

                We stopped at the combini for coffee and a special treat—melon pan, that peculiar sweet bread wrapped in cookie dough that ordinarily would have been a victory-only sort of desert for Yuuri due to its caloric content.  “I’m giving you a break from your training regimen today,” I teased gently. “Not that I’m worried about your…stamina.”

                His eyes twinkled and he broke the bread in half, passing the larger piece to me.  “Maybe I’m worried about yours. Eat up!”

                I leaned in close and whispered in his ear,”is that an invitation to continue where I left off before breakfast?”

                Beet red never looked so good on a man’s face before. Behind his slightly fogged lenses, his pupils were dilated. “I’m warning you,” he answered softly, “keep teasing me like this and we’re going to get arrested for public indecency.”

                “For doing what?”

                “For me finding out exactly how good you feel… _around me_.”

                My jaw dropped.  I stared at him.

                Purest Eros stared back. “You heard me.” The tip of his tongue flicked across his lower lip. “I may have never done it before…but I _do_ know what to do…and it’s driving me crazy thinking about it.” He drew in a deep breath and his hand began gently stroking my thigh, his gaze never leaving mine. “I want to make it good for you…I want to make you…come so hard for me….the way I came for you all those nights, staring at your picture alone in my room…all those years…”

                Then he dropped his head into his hands, covering his face and laughing nervously. “I can’t believe I just said that to you. God, I’m such an—“

                “—incurable romantic and _the_ most seductive katsudon I’ve ever met.  You’re trying to give me a heart attack, aren’t you?” Laughing, I pulled him close and eased his head down on my shoulder.  “Talk about being able to surprise people….you surprise the hell out of me sometimes. In the best ways possible.”

                He frowned. “I…I mean…would you rather…?”

                “On your first night? Absolutely not. If you’ve got plans to ravish and devastate my body, I’m going to race you to the bed—after locking the door, of course. And if you’d been having your wicked way with me when your mother came in, I swear to god I would have locked my ankles around your neck and shouted, ‘don’t stop!’ right in front of her.”

                He nearly choked on his coffee. “I can’t believe we’re joking about this. “ He seemed a little scandalized that we were speaking so bluntly about sex.

                “Get used to it,” I told him, pressing a kiss against his soft black hair. “Between the right people, sex should be playful, joyful…wildly erotic…sensuous…gentle…tender…fierce and hungry and abandoned…and, yes, even sacred. And romantic…always. That’s what it’s supposed to be like…or so I’ve heard. I’ve never opened up enough or trusted enough to make love like that…not until now.  So, in a way—“my fingers entwined with his, “this is a first time for me too. That, at least, is the gift I can give you tonight.  My body is one thing…but you get the innocence that really matters in the end.” I took a sip of my coffee and sighed contentedly.  _All right…it might be awkward. And I might not be able to walk the next day_ , I told myself, _but no matter what, it’s going to be amazing. He’s confident…he knows what he wants to do…he’s obviously done his homework on the mechanics of making love to a man and is prepared…._

                _Was_ he prepared???

                It might be mood-breaker, but better now than later.  “Yuuri, is there anything we…need to pick up before this evening? Do you have what you’ll need?”

                “You mean—? “

                “ _Da._ ”

                “We had what we needed this morning….right?”

                I shook my head. “Wrong. I wasn’t prepared, if that’s what you want to know. I wasn’t sitting around assuming that this would happen-not that I didn’t _want_ it to happen,” I quickly assured him. “But it wasn’t going to happen until _you_ made the call. And I knew that if it came out of left field, we could…ah….well, there are many, many things I can do to give you pleasure without putting you at risk. I absolutely was going to keep you safe until we had discussed it and prepared for it. I would never, ever do anything to hurt you, Yuuri.”

                Sitting, up, he became serious. “ _Would_ I be at risk, Viktor?”

                “ _Nyet_. And I’ll take a blood test right this moment to prove it. I had a physical before leaving Russia and passed with flying colors, but even though I’m healthy and you’re—“

                “—innocent.”

                “You may never have slept with a man yet,” I laughed, “but you are _far_ from innocent—flashing those hot eyes at me every time you skate _Eros._  You look at me like you want to eat me alive.”

                “I do. You wouldn’t _believe_ what is going through my mind. “

                “And you’re going to show me tonight, I hope?”

                His fingertips edged discretely under the hem of my shirt. When they made contact, I shivered, and the recent memory of that first skin to skin embrace made me start to sweat.  “That’s why we’re going to need a few items. More than a few, actually. I’ve never bought any before.”

                I finished the last crumbs of my melon pan and dusted off my hands. “Not a problem. I’ll stay here and guard your coffee while you go shopping.”

                “ _Hai_!” 

                He was about to dash off on his errand of Eros when he sat down abruptly. His eyes were wide with panic. “Yuuri? What is it?”

                Turning to me, I could see the anxious expression on his face. “Viktor… _they know me in there!”_

                That was a problem? “That’s good, then. They can help you find what you need, and you’ll get points on your shopper’s card, _da?_ ”

                His teeth clenched in frustration. “Viktor…I’m not going in there for ramune or oden.”

                As if that wasn’t an obvious statement.  “So? You’re just buying condoms and lubricant. I’m sure your mother and sister go in there for –“

                “-- _God,_ Viktor!! Don’t even _say_ it--”

                “What—you think they order such things from Amazon? Yuuri…Yuuri..” I slid my arm around his shoulder.  “Calm down. It’s no big deal. If it gets you that upset, then I’ll go get them. “  I rose to my feet. He grabbed me by the arm and yanked me back down.  “What’s the matter now?”

                “They know _you_ too!” He was beginning to babble.  “ _Everybody_ knows you.  And if you go in there and grab a big box of condoms and a couple of bottles of lube—“

                “—couple of bottles? We don’t have to swim in it, you know! You’ll slide right out of m--”

                “ _Damn it_ , Viktor! You aren’t making this any easier for me!”

                “Well, we’ll just go somewhere else outside your neighborhood. It’s a nice day for a walk.”

                He smacked his fist against the bench in frustration. “Don’t you get it, Viktor? My face is on tourism posters all over this city. And you—after the Hot Springs On Ice, there’s not one person within a hundred kilometers who doesn’t know who you are. “

                This was getting ridiculous. “You are…perhaps…ashamed of people thinking that we might be lovers?”

                To my relief, he shook his head. “Never.  I’m just…new…to all this.”

                “We’ll go face this together, then. Tonight. We’ll go outside this neighborhood. We’ll dress…I don’t know, maybe less conspicuously. But I’m not going to make you do this by yourself. That’s another way I show _my_ love….”

 

 

                We tried to look nonchalant as we strolled into a Lawson’s two kilometers from the resort.  I had borrowed a knit cap to try to cover my hair, but my ivory skin and blue eyes? Not much to do about that. Yuuri put on a surgical mask, as he often does when he travels to protect himself from airborne sicknesses and air pollution.  It was nearly 23:00 and we had ridden double on my bike to get out of the store as quickly as we could without attracting attention to ourselves.  “Why do I feel like I’m in a bad spy movie?” Yuuri sighed as we pushed the bike into the parking stand outside Lawson’s.

                “’From Russia With Love’, maybe?” I teased. “Maybe I should start humming some Bond  theme music?”

                ‘Very funny, Viktor.” He looked anything but amused.

                “C’mon…lighten up, Yuuri! Just think…as soon as we get out of here, we’ll go back to Yu-Topia, head up to my room, where a king-sized bed with fresh sheets and pillows is waiting to be demolished by our love. I can’t think of any better incentive to get this over with, can you?” I guided him towards the door, one hand on his back. “Do you truly think anybody cares if you’re having sex---“

                _“YUURI KATSUKI!”_

We both jumped about a meter off the sidewalk in front of the door.  It was a local news reporter, Moroboshi Hikaru, who greeted us excitedly, juggling several shopping bags to free his hand to shake our own. “And Viktor Nikiforov! This is wonderful! I never expected to run into the two of you in this neighborhood.”

                Yuuri’s back stiffened but he tugged down his mask and managed a polite smile.  “Extra training. Viktor makes me run after him while he cycles at night. Helps build endurance.”

                I offered my hand with the most charming grin I could manage under the circumstances. “Yuuri’s stamina has always been impressive, and on occasion he out-runs me as he did tonight. That means I have to buy the coffee.”

                We signed autographs and posed with Moroboshi for a picture before, thankfully, the reporter disappeared into the night.  “So much for being discreet,” Yuuri grumbled as we made our way inside.

 

                Grabbing a basket, Yuuri began tossing random items in. Two bottles of water.  A couple of onigiri, stuffed with tuna and mayonnaise. A small tin of Tiger Balm, a pungent rub for sore muscles. Facial tissues…

                And then…we walked down the aisle for feminine hygiene and family planning items…

               

                “See? Nobody’s staring. Nobody is being nosy. Nobody gives a damn. No problem.”

                “No problem?” He was staring at a  large box of Okamoto Ultra Thin condoms. “Big problem…or…maybe…not big enough…?”

                ‘What?”

                “Nobody,” he wailed, “told me they come in different _sizes_!!”

                “So?” I shrugged. “Just get what’s right for you, and I’ll get…hmmm…the Magnum size ones, I suppose.”

                One eyebrow lifted above the frames of his glasses. “Magnum? Viktor, I’ve seen you naked.”

                “Your point?”

                He flicked the package of Okamoto Magnum XXXL condoms with his finger. “Viktor, you could put that thing on like pantyhose.  You’d have to wear it belted. Those things are big enough for… _barnyard animals_.” Before I could chew him out, he pointed out the size on the box.  “ _Sixty-five_ millimeters around.”

                “And you think that will fall off me, do you?”

                “I don’t think that sixty five millimeters would fit in _me_! If you were that…intimidating…I’d be too scared to even try.”

                I was really getting irritated at this point. “You think so, hmm? Fine. There’s one way to know for sure.”

                I marched up to the household and hardware section, located what I needed and paid for it at the register. “I’ll be right back,” I snapped to Yuuri and slammed the door to the men’s room behind me.

                It wasn’t until I pulled the tape measure out of the shopping bag that it dawned on me: the sizes on the box were for the width of an erect member, not one at rest.

                So there I was, late in the evening in the men’s room of a Japanese convenience store, perched on the toilet with my sweat pants to my knees, tape measure in hand and trying like hell to coax myself into getting hard without calling for Yuuri to come in and… _inspire me_.

                Thank god I still had the pictures from the banquet on my cell phone.

                One look at those pictures of Yuuri writhing half naked on a stripper pole was all the inspiration I needed for an accurate measurement.

                Humbled, I returned to Yuuri’s side and placed the Magnums back on the shelf, dropping a box of XL condoms in their place .

                As for Yuuri….well…he returned from the men’s room with a smile. A dozen Sagami Large were added to the basket, along with a large bottle of Shibari Personal Lubricant.

                So…two dozen condoms, lubricant—along with tissues, onigiri, Tiger Balm and two coffees…and the cashier didn’t even blink. Without our asking, she placed all the Intimate Items into an opaque black bag before handing them over to us with a smile and a bow.  It was all we could do to make a polite escape and cycle away without looking mildly suspicious.

 

                “Well, that went better than planned.”  And it had.

                Right up until the moment when we were sneaking in the back entrance and Mari, who had been smoking a cigarette in the dark outside, stepped up behind us.”

                “What are you guys up to?”

                “GAAHH!!!” Badly startled, Yuuri tripped  over the steps, stumbled and dropped our precious parcel to the ground. Condoms went flying, landing right at his big sister’s feet.

                It was too dark to see Yuuri’s face but I half expected it to glow red in the shadows. “God or whoever,” he prayed aloud in humiliation, “ _kill me now.”_

                Mari bent down. She retrieved the box of Magnum XL condoms. She gave her little brother a skeptical glance, one eyebrow lifted. She tossed the box to me with a nod.

                As Yuuri held her lighter up for illumination, Mari and I located all the items and put them back in the bag.  Last item was the Tiger balm. “Hmm.” Mari muttered half to herself. “Two dozen condoms and nearly a half liter of lube? You ARE going to need this in the morning.”

                She handed the bag back to her brother. She nodded. “ _It’s about damn time.”_

                And she was gone.

 

 

                Yuuri drew a slow, deep breath, then grabbed my collar and pulled me down for a kiss that had every promise of igniting every nerve in my body once we got upstairs.

                “She’s right. It _is_ about damn time.  Let’s go….”

               

 

….TO BE CONTINUED…..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A combini is the Japanese term for a convenience store--and they are legendary for the staggering amount and extent of items they carry. Some of the most popular chains are Lawson's, Family Mart and 7 Eleven.


	6. "THAT'S HOW THE LIGHT GETS IN..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "---god." It was like a prayer on my lips.  
> It was one of the last coherent words that passed my lips for quite some time...because of what his lips were doing to me.  
> Yuuri's dark eyes were sparkling with mischief and warmth in the mirror, and his playful excitement was contagious, making my heartbeat accelerate.  
> I thought of all the men that might have passed my Yuuri by without casting him a single glance.  
> Good. He's mine.  
> You'll never know what joy you might have had on a night like tonight in my Yuuri's arms...

DEJA VU ALL OVER AGAIN (YURI ON ICE) CHAPTER 6:"HOW THE LIGHT GETS IN"

BY THE BINARY ALCHEMIST 2017

 

" _Every heart, every heart to love must come--but like a refugee_

_Ring the bells that still can ring-forget your perfect offering_

_There' is a crack, a crack in everything--that's how the light gets in..."_

_\--Leonard Cohen, "Anthem"_

 

_“About damn time.”_

 

                That sums it up quite neatly.  It was about damn time for both of us.

                Do you really understand what I’m getting at here?

                This no time to speak of the sorrows of the past—but from the age of seven to that day, I was a child—then a man—who had barricaded himself inside a cage of glittering ice, thinking himself safe from the world around him. The ice became Life and Love for me—a purpose that took me away from what was hurting my very young and vulnerable heart, and a love that roared across the rink to me from the crowds as they cheered me on. So young, this beautiful boy! So graceful! A prodigy! The hope of Russia!

                 I am an Idiot. Oh, don’t contradict me. I know myself too well now. Sharing Yuuri’s life and love has been both a sharp slap of reality and the whisper of hope in my heart that the coldness that had been eating me alive from inside was finally going to melt at last.

                The day my heart began to thaw out was the day on Hatsetsu beach when he held out his hand to me and told me, “I just want you to be yourself. I just want you to be Viktor.” The one thing nobody else had ever asked of me.

                And here I was…just Viktor. And he was trusting me enough to take me as his first lover…

                …and if the halting, tender words he was struggling to say to me in the candlelight were truth—and my heart tells me this is so—then I would be more than his first.

                I would be his only.

And from that night forward, he would be my only love as well.

                I knew what I had found, and thank God I had enough wisdom to recognize him for the gift he is to me. 

                You can _come_ with any lover, I suppose….but you can only _come home_ to one person.  My heart had chosen when I waltzed in his arms. Now, at last, I knew he had chosen. And the dance had begun again…

 

 

                I had gone to take a quick shower in the guest wing, just as Yuuri had done in the private family quarters. Before I had gone, the candles were lit in my small room. All that would be needed was close to hand. I thought of those first miserable nights when I curled up with Makkachin, tears slipping off my cheeks to dampen the pillow as I thought about how I'd torn my world apart to fly to the side of someone who I had convinced myself would love and welcome me, only to be nervously rebuffed at each approach.

                We had needed to grow into this love, Yuuri and I. Staring at my reflection in the steamy mirror, all I could do was smile. " _Idiot!"_   I whispered. "You only thought you were in love. You had no idea what a gift love was, and you had to earn his heart." I heard the soft sound of footsteps on the tatami mats in the hall. "All right," I nodded, addressing my reflection again. "He's waiting for everything to begin. Thank you, God, for second chances."

 

                There was a simple, perfect eroticism to the way the dark blue _yukata_ robe wrapped around me. It stripped me of any artifice or conceit. Not an immaculately tailored Armani suit that cost a fortune in rubles, or even the tight t-shirts that hug my torso as I swoop and glide over the ice in practice sessions. My reflection, now in my bedroom mirror, showed a well loved face beside mine, chin on my shoulder, smiling warmly he stood behind me, strong, slender arms warm around my waist.  "Do you really want to know why you look so good in this?" His lips brushed my ear and as he whispered his warm breath made me shiver. "Why I wanted you to put this on? It's something that's part of our culture. You've seen geisha, I know." I nodded. "Then you may have noticed when they turn around that the collar of the kimono dips down low behind the nape of the neck." His fingers feathered across that same part of me and my breath caught unexpectedly. "You might have even noticed that their white makeup even tapers down to draw the eye... _here_." The fingertips trailed down and up again...amazing how such a tiny movement could make me go hot and cold all over. "In Japan, we find this to be one of the erotic parts of the body...because it is concealed so much of the time.  It's a serious turn on."  His mouth replaced his fingers now, his voice a low purr of seduction.  "When I came into the room and found you sleeping on the floor with the collar of your hapi coat baring the back of your neck, I couldn't believe that Minako could sit that close to you and not react..."

                "Did you?"

                A warm chuckle. "Are you kidding me? And when you sat up and the coat had fallen off one shoulder...I swear all the blood drained right out of my head and went...elsewhere."

                I leaned back a little, pressing my back against his chest. "Oh really? Enlighten me. Where did all the blood rush to, _moyo zolotse_?"

                "Right _here."_ His hands slid down my body, over my _yukata_ , clasping my hips and pulling me tightly against the front of his body where a welcomed hardness pressed against me. I arched back into him, my body moving instinctively in response as he rubbed himself against me, making a fine dew of sweat rise to my skin. "I was so hard for you it scared me half to death." His fingers toyed briefly with the sash of my robe. "I was so helpless...I didn't dare touch you...but the wanting was so intense. I'll tell you right now--" his hands began to slide up to my chest, "--I did _not_ get very much sleep that night."

                "You...touched yourself?"

                " _Everywhere_...and I was calling your name." His lips were burning against the back of my neck now.  _Eros_ \--was this what was going through his mind when he danced for me that first night and every short program afterwards? Did he fantasize that we were alone and uninhibited that first day and that he knelt down by my side, kissing my bare shoulder and then lowering me slowly to the tatami and...Ohhh god...

                "--- _god."_ It was like a prayer on my lips.

                It was one of the last coherent words that passed my lips for quite some time...because of what _his_ lips were doing to _me_.

                His eyes were sparkling with mischief and warmth in the mirror, and his playful excitement was contagious, making my heartbeat accelerate. I thought of all the men that might have passed my Yuuri by without casting him a single glance. _Good. He's mine. You'll never know what joy you might have had on a night like tonight in my Yuuri's arms._

"Now, here's what we're going to do, Viktor....since I had to suffer so much watching and wanting you that night...I want you to keep your eyes on the mirror...don't take your eyes off the mirror....because I want you to see yourself as I see you...and see how your body responds when I touch you...all over...

                " _Like this...."_

Slowly, he began to pull the fabric of the _yukata_ at the shoulders, letting it slip through the sash at my waist until my shoulders and upper back were bare. Moving in closer, his mouth closed over the nape of my neck and he bit down very gently, sucking lightly, making soft murmuring sounds of approval. "I want to touch you.... _taste_ you....all of you...all over...."

                His hands glided up to where the parted folds of the robe had partially bared my chest. Palms flat, he brushed them across my nipples teasingly as he began to kiss and lick a leisurely path along my spine. I tried to caress him back but he laughed softly. “Ahh-ah! Not yet!"

                "Did anybody ever tell you you're a sadistic tease, Katsuki-san?"

                "Add that to my JSF biography next time when you update my stats for the season. Now... I get to tell you what you can touch...and when. _Because I want to watch."_

_"Watch??"_

He nipped me on the shoulder blade. "You can get even with me later....in fact, I'm _counting_ on it."

                Warm hands slid down my abdomen, fingers tracing the cut of my muscles. The mirror showed me how close--how very close--that touch was traveling towards my cock, which at this point was almost painfully erect. I was dangerously close to begging when he abruptly jerked the sash free, tossing it aside. The robe pooled at my feet and Yuuri knelt on it as that hot trail of kisses and tongue flicks grazed the small of my back before he patted me on the back of my right thigh. "Put your foot on the sofa."

                ...and then....

                " _Bohze-moi!"_

_He thinks_ I _am the one who is the expert in surprising people???_

The silky intrusion of his circling tongue, flicking, teasing....clever fingers pressing just enough to  make me ache for more---it was enough  to make me bite down hard on my bottom lip to keep from groaning loudly enough to wake this inn full of tourists.

                Then he slid nimbly between my parted thighs, the flat of his tongue gliding under my balls as he passed under me, making me yelp in surprise before he knelt at my feet, smiling up into my face. His hands moved to my inner thighs, now trembling, since I was afraid my knees were going to collapse. _Good God, Yuuri! Did you spend all those feverish nights fantasizing about doing this to me?!?_        

                What he may have lacked in experience he had more than made up for in imagination and inspired erotic creativity.

                 His face was flushed crimson and he was drenched with sweat. " _Touch yourself for me...please...let me see you..."_

                As my fingers closed around my cock, I told him softly, "this is for you...this is what you do to me."

                His reflection in the mirror moved close...closer still, and my eyes went out of focus when he stilled my stroking so that he could take the head of my cock between his lips.

                That was it. I surrendered. I was so dangerously close I stepped back, holding him off with a shaking hand. " _Pazhalsta...moyo zolotse...I'm begging you...ty nuzhen mney..._ "

                He rose swiftly to his feet and hugged me fiercely. " _Ai shiteru yo_ , Viktor-kun!"

                " _Ya tozhe tyebya lyublyu, Yuuri!"_

               

When he is confident and at ease with himself, the panic evaporates and the real Yuuri emerges--warm, sensual, playful and assertive and, thank God, able to deal with some of life's absurdities with humor and good grace.

                Like putting on a condom for the first time in his life. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him what rock he had been hiding under since puberty if he hadn't even tried one on out of curiosity. I didn't ask because I knew the answer would take the joy out of this night for him: " _who would want to sleep with me?"_

_He truly believes that_. A few girls pursued him and he even went as far as physically pushing one young lady away when she tried to hug him. As for other men....well...I was the metric they were measured against--at least the Viktor Nikiforov Yuuri had constructed in his mind. The _image_ of me that even _I_ can't live up to.

                Well... _I_ wanted to sleep with him. Desperately. And while I absolutely obsessed over how much I wanted to be naked in his arms and to sink down inside that beautiful body of his, the desire was always secondary to Love. I didn't want just a lover...I wanted... _I needed Love Itself._ I wanted to let Love break me, deconstruct me...make me over into the man I should have been, the man who could dance upon the ice without having it creep into his spirit and command him until all sweetness is gone from every victory because he has isolated himself so far from the rest of the world in a desperate game to somehow keep their love and approval.

                When I lay down beside him in the warm candle glow, I told him, _"ty nuzhen mney"--"_ I need you _so_ much!"--it was no lie. This man was nourishing my soul. He was bringing me back to life.

                So when he fumbled with the box of condoms, I took it from his hands with a smile. "Let me do the honors," I whispered. Placing it carefully between my lips, shielding it from my teeth, I began carefully slipping it over the head of his cock, which I had first made slick with my tongue. Not the easiest of maneuvers to attempt without using your fingers, but his moans and shivers were absolutely worth it. 

 

                I could have ridden him. It might have been a little easier for him the first time, but when he slowly pressed me back against the mattress I was damn near frantic. I held up my hands to him to see before pulling him down. “You’ve got me shaking like a leaf,” I whispered.  “How can you be so calm?”

                He paused, kissing the inside of my thigh as his arms slipped under my knees, lifting them as he moved in close enough that I could feel his hardness brushing against my entrance.  He looked down and in the dim light I could see a tear on his cheek.

                “Because I can’t make myself believe this. It can’t be real, Viktor. Everything I’ve ever wanted…I’ve always made a mess of things.  And I’m scared to death that I’m going to wake up and find out that…that somehow –“

                “—that somehow…for once in your life, someone needs you…desires you—that _I_ love you so damn much that I’m going to look you in the eye and say _fuck the past_.  Yuuri...it’s done. Over. It all starts right here. Right now. For you. For me.” I caught him by the shoulders and wrapped my arms and legs around him.  “The past is over now. I have you-“I reached down and guided him and then tightened my legs around his hips, pulling him closer until his hips pressed forward and he shivered and cried out as he slowly eased inside me for the first time. “I have you...and I’m going to keep you here, right where I need you.” Lifting my hips I rocked against him, taking him deeper. “Inside my body. Here, in my arms…in my thoughts and dreams…”

                Then I took his hand—the hand that he couldn’t know would soon wear my ring—and placed it over my heart. “…And _here_ …where there is no room for anyone else. _Ty maya lyubof’ na fsyu zhizn’._  You are my love…forever.”

                And once more, he touched me above my heart—first with his fingertips, followed by his lips. His expression was that of someone who has opened their eyes after a cold night of bitter dreams and found themselves waking to a brilliant, sun drenched morning, safe in the arms of someone who will never let them fall down into darkness again.

                “ _Mine,”_ he said at last. The doubt and fear was gone.

                “Yours. Take what belongs to you, Yuuri _….now….”_

….TO BE CONTINUED…

               

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Russian endearments:  
> moyo zolotse--my gold/golden one  
> "Bohze-moi!"--roughly, 'oh my god!'  
> ty nuzhen mney-'I need you"  
> Ya tozhe tyebya lyublyu-'I love you too'  
> Ty maya lyubof’ na fsyu zhizn’--'you are my love forever'
> 
> Japanese endearment  
> 'ai shiteru yo'-'I love you (strong intention)'

**Author's Note:**

> My command of Russian--especially Russian profanity--courtesy of the World Wide Web...so my apologies for any inaccuracies.  
> If you liked it, please leave a comment. It will bolster the Viktor muse's confidence and maybe he'll inspire me to keep writing these mad tales.  
> Thanks for reading!!


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